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I think I'm falling in love again but I'm afraid. :/
Tuesday, May 29, 2012 | 10:55 AM | 0 Comment(s)
its been 1 year since we broke up but then,we communicate and stay friends
I really loved him a lot and after we had broken up, I still felt love for him but after being apart that love faded. Well I guess it didn't fade, I kinda made it go away because I was hurting so bad. It was the roughest time of my life because of how we broke up; it was terrible. I'm not sure if it really ever went away completely or I just put it in the back of my head so that I wouldn't hurt as much.my first love is very important. It was the first time i showed true vulnerability and had truly deep feelings. Breaking up and being hurt take serious blows on me as a person, and not only me losing him, but I begin questioning everything about myself. Facing the truth is not easy. it happens and it takes some building up because I had lose confidence and hope, and I get in a mindset where I believe I can never have something like that again, and I almost don't want to find it again because it will make the first experience seem cheesy.well about few months ago he started to ask me again and confess his feelings to me. He said if we can start again. I really felt his sincerity and felt that he change a lot. and things have been really good. but I got really upset. I got upset because I was afraid of the feeling that I felt. I felt like I loved him again and I wanted to say this things.but it would have been weird . I was really upset feeling that because I was surprised and I'm afraid to fall again. Well kind of..I just really don't want be to hurt again like I was last night. So it's kinda like I'm afraid of falling in love because I'm afraid he won't feel it back when I do and I don't wanna end up being hurt again. I haven't told him why I was upset yet and I'm not sure if I'm going to tell him. I'm not really too sure if that love I had for him ever completely went away but I know parts of it did. If that makes any sense...But that feeling that I got was overwhelming because it reminded me of back then when I was in love with him.I'm afraid to be hurt again.I hate the way he talk to me. I hate it when he stare. And the way he read my mind. I hate him so much it makes me sick - it even makes me rhyme. I hate it when he make me laugh - even worse when he make me cry. I hate it that he's not around. And the fact that he didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate him - not even close, not even a little bit, not any at all. argh :|
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